Hooray! It’s Friday! Why do four day weeks feel just as long (maybe longer?) as five day weeks? I thought today would be a great day to give you a laugh and keep things lighthearted by sharing “You know you’re a mom when…” No matter if you have kids, if you don’t have kids, if you want kids, if you don’t want kids, or if you are a kid yourself, you’ll find this funny. I reached out to my favorite Facebook group and asked them to fill in the blank. With over 50 responses, I couldn’t keep up adding them to this post in between my fits of laughter. I’m sure you mommas can relate, as I found myself nodding my head to a great majority of these… Enjoy!
You know you’re a mom when…
- You’ve eaten dinner with a toddler fork watching Paw Patrol… by yourself.
- Locking the door to the bathroom is your only getaway…until little fingers slide under it.
- Your child wants a piece of gum and you just starting chewing your last piece so you grab a little from Your mouth and give it to them.
- Consider using your breast milk when you’re out of coffee.
- One of your main concerns in life is about someone else’s bowel movements.
- You’ve been wearing the same outfit for days and haven’t showered, but man, your kids are lookin’ cute.
- You realize hours later you have poop under your finger nails. Yuck!!!!
- When you leave for work after getting the kids ready for school with your robe still on!
- You find yourself hiding in the pantry closet eating a candy bar in hopes you won’t get caught or have to share with your child!
- Your baby pees a little on the couch, so you flip over the cushion.
- You look forward to someone burping in your face.
- Seeing poop makes you happy. Really happy.
- Having puke pee and poop on your shirt doesn’t bother you as much as it should.
- You finally get some alone time, and all you do is think about/talk about/miss your child and can’t wait to get back to them.
- You have to go out of town for two days and thing you are looking forward to is a bathroom uninterrupted.
- You can’t remember the last time you washed your own hair.
- You wipe slobber, boogers, and snot off of someone else’s face with your fingers because you forgot tissues/wipes!
Your kids are eating dinner with a wooden spoon and a spatula and you let them because… hey, at least they’re eating!
- Lick food off your kid because you have no napkins.
- You declare victory on picking a booger out of a nose.
- When you realize you’ve watched cartoons for 25 minutes and your child is asleep.
- Your favorite movie is hotel Transylvania 1 and 2 and you like it way more than your kids.
- When you pick ear wax out of your toddlers ear without even hesitating… And then wipe it on your jeans.
- You think of selling the kids to the circus because the six year old and the ten year old won’t stop arguing.
- The two and three year olds are fighting, yes – tears are evolved, but you are still hiding in your room to finish your Snickers before becoming a referee.
- You aren’t sure if it’s chocolate or poop under your nails, so you give it the sniff test.
- You’ve become similar to a dog, sniffing bottoms to make sure baby is clean!
- You let your child stick their toothbrush in your mouth to brush your teeth, so you can brush theirs!
- When you find your self rocking back and forth and your baby isn’t even in your arms.
- You do a quick scrub to get the baby spit up off of your last “clean” pair of pants on your way out the door to work. I literally did this today…
- You wipe your kid’s nose with your shirt and don’t give it a second thought.
- You can shower with the door and the curtain open with random toys tossed in throughout.
- A donut is an acceptable before bed snack because everyone’s sick and nothing else sounds good!
- Your purse has five unmatched socks, four Legos, a teething ring, two diapers and a pack of wipes… And you’re heading to work.
- You eat off your kid’s face because it’s easier than getting a napkin or getting those crumbs into your kid’s mouth!
- Open the door for the UPS guy with one boob out because you are breastfeeding and forgot to put it away before getting the door.
- Clean your whole house/car/self with baby wipes.
- You walk out of the house with bandaids all over your arms and legs without being hurt because your toddler is obsessed with them.
- You can tell what kind of poop it is by the smell.
- You’ve had to say, don’t pick your brother’s nose…more than once!
- Your first reaction to a fart is laughing.
- You stay up two hours after everyone else in the house goes to bed just to have some quiet time to yourself!
- You can’t remember the last time you showered, but remember to make sure everyone else has bathed and or washed up.
- Pooping with the door open becomes the norm.
- There are toys in every room of the house, including bathrooms.
You let them take extra long baths because it takes little to no effort on your part (after the initial wash) on days you’re extra exhausted and want free / safe / worthwhile entertainment for your little one.
- When you have your kids favorite songs in your head and you start singing with them not around!
- You become very worried when the house becomes too quiet because you known your munchkins are up to no good and you are afraid of what you will find.
- When you get to work, realize your daughter has some how managed to get stains on your scrubs and you choose to ‘rock it’ instead of leave to go home and change.
- Or when you get to work or go on a date with the hubby and realize that you are still listening to the Elmo CD your daughter has in the car, long after you’ve dropped her off.
- Getting up at 6 am feels like you got to sleep in. YES!!!
- You catch vomit in your hands because it’s all you have.
- You’re so tired you put a ziplock Baggie of cheese in the drawer with the baggies and not the fridge..and find it who knows how long later.
- When you join Disney movie club “for the kids,” but you would rather watch them without them.
- When you’re so tired you don’t realize that your child has on 3T pants when he’s 18 months old(older brothers pants).
- When your phone alerts you to feed your child’s dragon in Dragon Mania. And then you actually play the game because your kid is in school and you don’t want the poor dragon to starve…
- You smell like old milk and cheerios, you wipe drool with your hand without a thought (including on children that aren’t your own!), a grocery trip without children counts as a night out.
- When you have to tell another human being on multiple occasions to please not lick your eyebrow.
- When putting on a real bra on a date with dada (Valentine’s Day) & you realize you cut up an entire 8oz filet in miniature non-choke-able pieces……
- You go to the gym and instead of working out take a 30 minute hot shower.
- When dinner, penis, and homework are all said within a short conversation with your three boys.
- You pull a pacifier out of your cleavage, at a church, moments before a wedding begins.
- When you’re so tired you accidentally scoop formula into your coffee filter.
photo by stephanie cotta photography
No matter how crazy or ridiculous the stories are, there’s one thing we can all agree on: We love these tiny humans with our whole heart forever and always no matter what and they grow up WAY.TOO.FAST!
YOUR TURN! Finish the sentence: You know you’re a mom when…