Being a single mom is HARD

Here it is.  The post so many of you have been waiting for.  The answer to many comments and emails I’ve been receiving for over a year now.  Yes, I’m divorced.  No, it was not my choice.  I chose to keep it private for so long for a variety of reasons, which I’m sure you can imagine.  As I’m moving forward with my life, I do want to be open and honest with you.  I know I’ve alluded to many challenges over the past year or so, and obviously this is what it is.  When William was just five months old, his dad left us.  I won’t go into details, but it was a heartbreaking experience.  It’s neither here nor there anymore, as there was and is nothing I could do to stop it.  But you know what?  I’m still a believer of everything happens for a reason.

My life now is very different and it will be very different than it was… in a good way.  While I didn’t want it to happen and tried everything in my power to stop it, now I’m grateful for it.  It’s made me a stronger woman and a stronger mother.  It’s certainly not all sunshine and rainbows, that’s for sure.  Being a single mom is HARD.

pumpkin-patch 2015

I’m not getting into the details of “why” it happened and what was “wrong” (apparently?) with our marriage, but I’ll share some of my feelings I’ve experienced over the last year and a half in hopes it can possibly help someone else out there struggling, to feel not so alone, and to shed a little light on a topic that’s rarely talked about.  Not to mention, it is therapeutic for me to write, as well.

When he first announced it, I was devastated.  My family was being torn apart, and there was nothing I could do about it.  I did not come from a divorced home, and my biggest fear was William being raised with divorced parents.  The first couple of months were definitely the hardest.  I was with my family nonstop.  Almost every night I went to my parents’ house, my sister’s, or my grandparents’ house.  Their constant support gave me the power to get through each day, even when it felt unbearable.  I stayed incredibly busy, with work, with family, and with friends.

The hardest part was going home at night.  As amazing as the support was that I received, I still went home to an empty house with William each night.  It was hard, it was quiet, and it was lonely.  Once I got William to bed, I would blog (some nights), and go to bed myself.  Just thinking of these nights brings tears to my eyes.  It was hard.  I’m in a much better place now.

It was a couple of weeks before I even told my close friends.  They, like my family, were so supportive.  Daily phone calls, texts, and frequent visits were very much appreciated.  They listened when I wanted to talk and never pried for information.

While it’s easy to dwell on the many negatives of my situation, I try not to.  I was burned.  Bad.  Time and time again, I was hurt during this process.  Things were done by a family who I once called my own.  I’m still shocked at some of the events that occurred.  Unfortunately, people change and it’s not always for the better.  But I’m moving on, and I’m moving forward.  All I want William to know, is how much his momma loves him.

The reality of being a single mom is harder than anything I’ve ever experienced.  Luckily for me, I’m with William most of the time.  That’s also challenging though, as anyone with a toddler knows, it’s pretty difficult to accomplish everyday tasks.  Getting ready in the morning, preparing meals, doing laundry, keeping up with the housework.  I’ve had to prioritize and be content with knowing I’m giving it my best.  My house is never perfectly tidy (though let’s be real, it never was to begin with), but you know what?  My baby and I are healthy, and now, we’re happy.  Health and happiness.  We’ve got it, so what more can we ask for?

birthday kisses

While I’m still worried about raising William as a single mom, I know it won’t always be this way.  I also know that, no matter what the situation, it takes a village to raise a child.  My village is my family, and William has more than enough positive role models to take after and learn from.  Everyone in my family, my parents, my siblings, my grandparents, and my niece and nephews play a very important role in both of our lives.

I’ve been asked on several occasions, how do I get through it?  I stay very, very busy.  Sometimes when I reflect on my situation, I realize I literally don’t have time to stop and think about things or sulk.  In some regard, that may not be the healthiest thing as I’m constantly go go go.  I have a very hard time relaxing.  Like, I don’t.  I can’t tell you the last time I sat down to watch a movie or a show.  There’s always something to be done, and if there’s not, then I need to be sleeping.  Some days I feel absolutely exhausted.  Other days I feel like a super mom when I think about how much I do.  I know there are single moms all over the world, and I just never knew how hard it was to do literally EVERYTHING on your own.  Cooking, cleaning, errands, working full time, taking care of myself, not to mention RAISING A BABY!  Being a single mom is HARD!  I definitely don’t have it all figured out right now, but I can honestly say I’m in a good place.

Everything happens for a reason.  That’s a thought I’ve always believed in, though we may not always know what that reason is.  Life has a funny way of working out.  Good things happen to good people.  Bad things happen, too, but the good definitely outweigh the bad.  Everyday, I try to be the best version of myself, for me and for William.

So that’s that.  I think I’ve gotten out the bulk of what I wanted to share.  I’m moving on, and I can’t wait to see what’s next for me and William.  It’s hard, but there are bigger and better things in store for us.  This may just be a blessing in disguise!

No question today, but feel free to leave a comment if you have any wise words of wisdom.  Much love and power to all the single mommas out there – you rock!

71 thoughts on “Being a single mom is HARD

  1. Dearest Lindsay, even though I was aware of this, reading your post today brought tears to my eyes. The worst part was finding myself never wishing this upon my own (happy) marriage. Yes as you have experienced, it can come as a total shock, out of the blue, without any warning. I cannot begin to imagine just how difficult this must be for you, and for you to have to witness your young boy (who remains the living proof of your and your husband’s union) grow up without his dad. Oh, the turmoil it must be! All that I can do is assure you of my sincere prayers to God for you and William… And for Johnny… (Greetings and best wishes from a sunny South Africa!) xxx

  2. Hello from a long-time reader but first-time commenter, I am glad to read that you are doing ok!! I thought your husband was ill again and that’s why he stopped appearing in your social platforms. What a truly heartbreaking time you have been through. Happy to read that you are in a better spot now, surrounded by people who love and cherish you. When all of this happened, it probably seemed impossible that you would indeed get to a “better spot” but you did (!) and you should feel so proud of yourself for being the strong woman and mamma that you are! Thinking about you and your sweet William!

  3. Oh, Lindsay, I am very sorry to hear this, but I am also incredibly impressed by you. This post reads very strong and William is lucky to have such a tough and loving mama. You’ll be in my thoughts!

  4. You are a brave and inspiring mom. Your posts are amazing and know that your son will benefit immensely from his strong mom who is both mom and dad, even if you did not intend or hope it to be that way.

  5. You are so strong and this post is so powerful. I hope that one day I am able to be half the super mom that you are to William. Continue to shine that bright beautiful light and surround yourself with the army that will always support you! Hugs & Loves.

  6. Linz….you are a strong & courageous woman to share your story with us. William is so lucky to have you as his momma. I’m so glad you have a wonderful family to help you through these hard times.

  7. You are doing an amazing job raising that little boy and i give you more credit than ever! I can only imagine the struggle you go through on a daily basis and I am in awe of your strength. You and William are amazing – your love for him shines through in every post you write, and I truly admire you for everything you are doing.

  8. Wow girl! I honestly had no idea. I am proud of you for everything you have done this year. And I am always here if want to talk – we all part of each other’s village. So don’t hesitate!

  9. Little sis, on behalf of your family, we are SO PROUD OF YOU and all you’ve overcome in the last year and a half. If anyone knows what it’s like to go through the hell that is the court system and single parenthood, it’s me. You handle it with grace, a positive attitude, and a smile on your face that I know William picks up on and benefits from. We are the lucky ones to have you, our sweet teacher, in our lives. While I can’t say single parenthood gets easier (there’s always going to be a dozen balls to juggle in the air), continue to utilize the resources you have in your family and friends…We are always happy to help! Also, my yoga-loving sister: Continue to make an effort to meditate and find peace; to talk about the pain of the experience so you can come to grips with it, accept it, and move on from it. Bottling it inside is not the best route long-term, even though I completely understand the need to compartmentalize in the moment. As always, I’m here to listen, babysit, or just give you a big hug! xoxo

  10. This post is everything.
    It is not easy to share something so raw and personal, but I think you’re giving hope to many women in your position. Thank you for being so open. You are so much more.

  11. Linzaloo, my seester: You are so incredible and SO strong and so much better off without that negative baggage in your life. And to think how amazing William all because of YOU. We love you so much and are so proud!

  12. I think of you guys often and you’re always in my prayers. Glad to see you on the other side of things with such a positive attitude. I’m always an email or phone call away if you need anything. <3

  13. What a brave post to write! You have such a beautiful light about you and I am sure this post will encourage other single moms. I am so sorry you and William have experienced this loss. From Instagram and your blog I know your family is an amazing support for you both and I have loved seeing little Willliam grow up from your pictures. You are a great Mom and he is lucky and blessed to have you. Very well written post. xoxo

  14. Oh Lindsay! I am so incredibly sorry to hear this! You are an incredible mom and a strong woman! Your family and friends have enveloped you and William with the love that you both need!!! Hugs to you both!!!

  15. I can only imagine how difficult this has been, and I am so sorry to hear you’ve had to go through this. But you are incredibly strong for making this situation postitive for yourself and for William. You are amazing!!! Xoxo

  16. One of the things I love about the blogger community is how supportive and honest we are with one another. THANK YOU for your bravery in sharing this post. You’ve got the perfect little man right there with you and the most supportive family I’ve seen. I can’t wait to see the great things in store for you two!

  17. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us. My best friend was 3 months pregnant this time last year when her husband left her for another woman. While he is still in the picture and trying to be a part of his son’s life its incredibly hard on my friend, especially to see this new woman living the life she had imagined with her ex husband. Huge props to every mother, especially single mothers- seeing the battles my friend fights every day is truly inspiring. She is in a much better place now and I’m glad that you are as well <3 If you ever need to talk or vent, I'm happy to listen or shed light on my friends situation if you would find it at all helpful. Wishing you and William the best <3

  18. Babes, everything does happen for you a reason, so keep reminding yourself of that. Also, God/the universe/whatever you want to say, never withholds the good from us. So, the reason that this all happened is because there is something better out there and this was what had to happen in order for you to get your hands on the better.

    I’m so grateful to be a close friend of yours. I wish I could have visited you this year to help you with William, but I truly hope some day soon you and I can be together again <3 And then I will force you to have a movie night on the couch with me 😉 William can join us, too, obviously 😉 We can crash early and drink so much tea – how fun, right!? I'm getting excited just thinking about it 🙂

    I love you more than you know, girl. Seriously, you're one of my favourite people <3 Always will be 🙂

    Love you!

  19. More than a supermama — superwoman! Obvi I don’t know you, but I am infinitely impressed with not only how you mother your son, but how you have handled the events with such class. This sounds mean, but William is better off without a Dad who would leave his mama on a whim.. Because what kind of role model is that? From one mama to another, rock on 💜

  20. Agreed with all the above commenters who confirmed that yes, you ARE Super Mom! From all your pictures and posts it is so clear what a happy baby William is, and that is a direct reflection of you and your strength and positive outlook. Keep kicking butt <3

  21. Over the last year+ I’ve been so amazed & inspired by you. You’ve thought of me & helped me on days when were hardest for you–you’re a true friend & an amazing mother. You’re such a strong woman who literally sees a vision far greater than your circumstances. You exude joy & gratitude even at such a hard time! William is SO SO lucky to have you!!! I can’t wait to see you this holiday season; you’re amazing!!! xoxo

  22. Not a frequent commenter (& it’s been a while since I’ve read), but I have to comment today and tell you that you’re an incredibly STRONG, BRAVE, and WONDERFUL mother. Not just mother, but woman. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain, fear, doubt, frustration you’ve felt. Parenting is hard, period. So you have my utmost respect for doing this on your own. You’re blessed to have family to help, too!
    Keep up the positive attitude and don’t be afraid to write, cry, or talk it out when needed. All the best to you and William. Great things are in your future; you just may not know when to expect them. <3

  23. From one single mom to another, you’re doing great kiddo. Yes, it’s hard, and it gets even harder before it gets easier (sorry about both that fact and that sentence 🙂 ). You have the most amazing family. I know they are your rock and will continue to be until William has kids of his own. You’ve handled all of this with grace and class, and I wish you all the best.

  24. First time commenter, but wow, thank you for sharing. I went (am going?) through my own marriage issues, and while my husband and I are still together and working on things, it could have easily gone the other way. You are so lucky that your family lives close and is such a rock for you! Your sweet little boy’s smile and infectious laughter, hugs and kisses, will help to get you through any rough patches you may have.

  25. Lindsay, you have always been one of the strongest women I know, and you are definitely an amazing mother to sweet William. He is so lucky to have you and your wonderful supportive family. You are so courageous to write this post, and I know it will help other women and mothers who are going through similar experiences. We all love you and support you, and I’m always here if you need anything! Xoxo

  26. Linz, I am so sorry to hear this… what an incredible shock for you to sort out. I’m also so amazed by your honesty and your strength! Opening up is about such a painful topic can’t be easy, but it is a great way to receive all of our love and support- and I hope you are feeling very supported right now! You are doing an amazing job balancing everything, and I’m so, so glad your family is nearby to help.

  27. I have no words of wisdom, aside from the fact that I am the product of divorce and I think it made me a far stronger, hard working, more empathetic person then I would have ever been without it. I am so choked up. I feel like you are a sister and there are no words other than I am wrapping my arms around you as tight as I can. I cry with you. I am angry with you. I lift you up and admire you. Love you Lindsay. Thank you for opening up. My heart is broken with yours.

  28. Bravo Lindsay. I am so proud of you for sharing this. When you told me earlier this year in our email exchange I felt so devastated for you and could only imagine how hard of an experience this must be for you and your son. But you’ve handled it with grace, strength, and indomitable courage. William will be better off because of the amazing role model he has in you. I think it’s incredible that you’ve decided to share it with this community and I think it will be one further step along your path to healing. Wishing you the best as always!

  29. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I have read your blog for years and really care about you and William even thought I don’t actually know you! I am relieved to hear you confirm what I suspected (about the separation but more about how well you are doing). I am in awe of all that you do. I am a full time teacher with a fifteen month old and find myself in tears trying to juggle all my priorities and that’s with a partner. Your positivity but also acknowledgement of pain and acceptance and moving on is so inspiring. I can’t imagine how you were able to carry on and blog normally during such a diffiult time. Congratulations on making it through. Also, one of my favorite bloggers, Sweet Madeline, went through an unexpected divorce last year and writes beautifully (and heart wrenchingly) about the experience in case you are looking for other means of support.

  30. Wow, Lindsay. What a post! You are so brave and strong. I can’t even imagine what kind of man wouldn’t want to be a regular player in sweet William’s (and your!) life! But that’s neither here nor there. Keep up the good work! You and William are a perfect duo with a bright future. The best is yet to come!!!! 🙂

  31. You are so beautiful and strong. Keep living life the way you know how with happiness and love for your son. I’m so sorry to hear of the pain you experienced but so glad that you had a support system to help you through it. Sending you so much love and hugs! You are not alone.

  32. I love you. I’m always here for you. I’ve always held you in my mind as supermom. Over the last year I’ve looked at you with nothing but admiration and amazement at the paths you’ve chosen to forge from a situation that was handed to you. I could drone on and on with how much our friendship means to me. Bottom line, you inspire me daily and I love you.

  33. I have been waiting on this post for so long. The fact that it’s here & as poignant as it is makes me so happy for your comfort & progress with it all. Woosah. #movingon I love you & William forever & always.

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  35. You are so brave to be so open and honest about such a difficult situation. I hate that you and William have to go through this! Please know that so many people love and support you. Thoughts and prayers! You are one awesome mama!

  36. Thank you so much for opening up about this. I am married, without children, so I have nothing to relate this to. But I do have a few friends who are divorced mommies, and they are some of the most amazing and strong women I’ve ever met. Writing this proves that the is a common thread amongst you all.

  37. I really appreciate how you deliberately decided NOT to include the why-it-happened details. For one, they don’t matter to us readers as they have zero impact on our lives. For two, it is just plain classy. (For three, you’re not putting anything out there that you will regret, or that your kiddo will grow up to find on the internet later.) Seriously, I find this very, very commendable.

    Of course I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience. I know this isn’t what you had planned for yourself or your sweet baby. Having watched multiple friends in my life do the single-parent thing, I know it is hard, it is messy, it can be frustrating, it can be lonely. I’m so glad that you have your family to help you get through the challenges. YOU are worth it, and so is your boy.

    You’ve got all my love and all my respect and all my admiration.

  38. You are an amazing role model of strength, positivity, and determination: first and foremost to William, but also to everyone around you! That boy is so blessed to have you as his momma! Devastation is of course a natural response to what you have been through. I am so proud of your ability to take what was handed to you, but instead of letting it break you, do the day-in and day-out work of getting through it. You got this, and you’ve got plenty of people in your life for the times when you don’t!

  39. I’ve been meaning to come leave a comment for awhile! I’m so sorry to hear about your divorce–it is a tough thing, and tough to be on your own with William–BUT it sounds like you have lots of family support which is just amazing, and you are strong and you will be even better than before. I don’t have a child, but I went through a divorce recently as well and looking back, I am much happier today than I was married, but it was a hard road to get there, and still hurts sometime!

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