Here it is. The post so many of you have been waiting for. The answer to many comments and emails I’ve been receiving for over a year now. Yes, I’m divorced. No, it was not my choice. I chose to keep it private for so long for a variety of reasons, which I’m sure you can imagine. As I’m moving forward with my life, I do want to be open and honest with you. I know I’ve alluded to many challenges over the past year or so, and obviously this is what it is. When William was just five months old, his dad left us. I won’t go into details, but it was a heartbreaking experience. It’s neither here nor there anymore, as there was and is nothing I could do to stop it. But you know what? I’m still a believer of everything happens for a reason.
My life now is very different and it will be very different than it was… in a good way. While I didn’t want it to happen and tried everything in my power to stop it, now I’m grateful for it. It’s made me a stronger woman and a stronger mother. It’s certainly not all sunshine and rainbows, that’s for sure. Being a single mom is HARD.
I’m not getting into the details of “why” it happened and what was “wrong” (apparently?) with our marriage, but I’ll share some of my feelings I’ve experienced over the last year and a half in hopes it can possibly help someone else out there struggling, to feel not so alone, and to shed a little light on a topic that’s rarely talked about. Not to mention, it is therapeutic for me to write, as well.
When he first announced it, I was devastated. My family was being torn apart, and there was nothing I could do about it. I did not come from a divorced home, and my biggest fear was William being raised with divorced parents. The first couple of months were definitely the hardest. I was with my family nonstop. Almost every night I went to my parents’ house, my sister’s, or my grandparents’ house. Their constant support gave me the power to get through each day, even when it felt unbearable. I stayed incredibly busy, with work, with family, and with friends.
The hardest part was going home at night. As amazing as the support was that I received, I still went home to an empty house with William each night. It was hard, it was quiet, and it was lonely. Once I got William to bed, I would blog (some nights), and go to bed myself. Just thinking of these nights brings tears to my eyes. It was hard. I’m in a much better place now.
It was a couple of weeks before I even told my close friends. They, like my family, were so supportive. Daily phone calls, texts, and frequent visits were very much appreciated. They listened when I wanted to talk and never pried for information.
While it’s easy to dwell on the many negatives of my situation, I try not to. I was burned. Bad. Time and time again, I was hurt during this process. Things were done by a family who I once called my own. I’m still shocked at some of the events that occurred. Unfortunately, people change and it’s not always for the better. But I’m moving on, and I’m moving forward. All I want William to know, is how much his momma loves him.
The reality of being a single mom is harder than anything I’ve ever experienced. Luckily for me, I’m with William most of the time. That’s also challenging though, as anyone with a toddler knows, it’s pretty difficult to accomplish everyday tasks. Getting ready in the morning, preparing meals, doing laundry, keeping up with the housework. I’ve had to prioritize and be content with knowing I’m giving it my best. My house is never perfectly tidy (though let’s be real, it never was to begin with), but you know what? My baby and I are healthy, and now, we’re happy. Health and happiness. We’ve got it, so what more can we ask for?
While I’m still worried about raising William as a single mom, I know it won’t always be this way. I also know that, no matter what the situation, it takes a village to raise a child. My village is my family, and William has more than enough positive role models to take after and learn from. Everyone in my family, my parents, my siblings, my grandparents, and my niece and nephews play a very important role in both of our lives.
I’ve been asked on several occasions, how do I get through it? I stay very, very busy. Sometimes when I reflect on my situation, I realize I literally don’t have time to stop and think about things or sulk. In some regard, that may not be the healthiest thing as I’m constantly go go go. I have a very hard time relaxing. Like, I don’t. I can’t tell you the last time I sat down to watch a movie or a show. There’s always something to be done, and if there’s not, then I need to be sleeping. Some days I feel absolutely exhausted. Other days I feel like a super mom when I think about how much I do. I know there are single moms all over the world, and I just never knew how hard it was to do literally EVERYTHING on your own. Cooking, cleaning, errands, working full time, taking care of myself, not to mention RAISING A BABY! Being a single mom is HARD! I definitely don’t have it all figured out right now, but I can honestly say I’m in a good place.
Everything happens for a reason. That’s a thought I’ve always believed in, though we may not always know what that reason is. Life has a funny way of working out. Good things happen to good people. Bad things happen, too, but the good definitely outweigh the bad. Everyday, I try to be the best version of myself, for me and for William.
So that’s that. I think I’ve gotten out the bulk of what I wanted to share. I’m moving on, and I can’t wait to see what’s next for me and William. It’s hard, but there are bigger and better things in store for us. This may just be a blessing in disguise!
No question today, but feel free to leave a comment if you have any wise words of wisdom. Much love and power to all the single mommas out there – you rock!