infertility sucks

infertility sucks - There, I said it.  Now you all know what I’ve been dealing with lately.  Let me preface this post by saying that these are MY feelings, MY thoughts, and MY opinions of MY situation.  I’m in no way generalizing how all women going through infertility feel; instead, this is my journey.  Also, I’ll go into my infertility plan in a later post, but right now I’ve got to get off my chest what’s been bottled up inside of me for so long.

infertility sucks

This news is probably a shock to most people reading my blog, including many of my close friends and family members.  I’ve chosen to keep quiet about itz been too difficult to discuss and because I’d always envisioned big plans of how we would announce our pregnancy.  I still have those hopes that one day they will ring true, but honestly I feel like I couldn’t keep what I’ve been going through a secret any longer.  Itz painful and itz been kept under wraps for enough time now.  Itz hard to talk about and, depending where I am in my cycle, sometimes itz downright unbearable.

Infertility happens when a two people try to make a baby for a year or longer.  Infertility does NOT mean the couple will never get pregnant.  It just means they may have a harder time doing so than others.

Infertility sucks.  Itz an emotional roller coaster and nothing like I’ve ever experienced in my life.  Itz sad.  Itz scary.  It makes me mad.  It makes me worried.  I am grateful for all the advances in the medical field that allow for testing, medication, and more, and I can only hope that it helps in bringing us a healthy, happy baby.

So why write this post?  Infertility is not spoken of nearly enough.  Itz understandable as itz an incredibly personal and painful experience.  I get that.  Oh trust me, I get that.  However, I’ve learned that itz far more common than people think and far more women (and men) are affected than most people know.  I’ve also felt extremely alone with my thoughts and feelings.  Not literally, of course; I have the most supportive husband, family, and friends, but itz hard because they’ve not gone through what I’m going through and I don’t think they can relate.  I know I couldn’t before this started.  Writing has always been my outlet, so today I write.

In addition, I want people to know how common infertility is and keep it in mind when asking the all too common questions of: “Do you guys want to have kids?  When will you start trying?”  (Gosh if I had a dime for every time I’ve been asked that…!)  In fact, I used to be a huge culprit of asking those questions.  Right when someone got married, I’d ask.  If someone had been married for a year, I’d ask.  I love babies and thought everyone should and could have them.  Boy was I wrong and am totally kicking myself now.  You never know what someone is going through.  There have been numerous times when I’ve been asked that where I’ve had to blink back tears, excuse myself, or give a short, “Yes, soon,” response because screaming, “I’M WORKING ON IT,” wouldn’t be polite.

People say when you least expect it, then it will happen.  Stop stressing about it.  Honestly, that’s not fair to say to someone who is going through infertility.  For me, having a baby has been a lifelong dream.  I played with dolls far longer than I should have.  When I was young, I wanted to be a “mommy” when I grew up.  Itz impossible not to think about it constantly, especially when there is a lot of medication to take, frequent doctor visits, blood being drawn, and shots given on a regular basis.

People say stay positive.  I’m trying with all my might, but itz hard.  Itz hard, but I continue to try to stay positive each and every day.

Stay positive. Easier said than done, but try anyway.

The first time I heard “infertility” in reference to me from my regular OBGYN, I burst into tears.  The first time I called a specialist, I started crying upon giving my name.  The first time I walked into my new doctor’s office, I was a disaster.  In fact, between my tears, snot, and sniffles, I’m not sure how they got any information out of me. The only thing they really got that day was a blood sample and a picture of my insides.

I want people to know how painful it is so they stop so casually asking about a couple’s choice to have a baby.  Itz hard being asked that.  Itz hard when it feels like every single person is pregnant.  It seems as though all my friends, family members, coworkers, and bloggers are pregnant, having babies, or raising their kids.  Don’t get me wrong: I am so happy that itz happened for them, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I didn’t hurt inside every time someone knew announces a pregnancy or gender reveal or posts an uber cute picture of their little ones. How is everyone else pregnant right now?  What about me?

Itz also hard being amongst a group of moms, listening to them talk about their children, not being able to relate, and wondering if I ever will.  Itz hard sitting there while people get asked when they will have their second or third child when all I wonder is when I’ll have my first.  I’m not saying I want people to walk on eggshells regarding kids and pregnancy.  Just be aware and be sensitive that you may not know what someone is going through.

This post is filled with a lot of sadness and that’s because infertility is a sad thing.  Itz ok to feel those emotions, not suppress them, and, instead, express them.  For me, sometimes this means alone time.  Walking outdoors and being in nature has always been very calming to me.  Sometimes it means getting together with friends and not talking about the issue.  At times it feels as though it occupies my mind every minute of every day, so filling my time with activities to take my mind off the subject is helpful.  Other times, writing/talking/crying have been my outlet.  Whatever works.

Believe.  That’s a word I’m clinging on to with all my power.  I believe I will get pregnant.  I believe my doctors are doing what’s best for me.  I believe we are meant to have a baby.  I believe when the time is right, it will happen.  Itz hard, but I believe.

believe

I want to reach out to anyone who may need support and tell you: You are not alone.  Please feel free to shoot me an email ( itzlinz [at] gmail [dot] com ) if you have any questions or would like to discuss something more private. 

Thanks for listening.  Thanks for allowing this blog to my outlet.  Thanks for being YOU and letting me be ME.  I hope each one of you has a wonderful day. xoxo

230 thoughts on “infertility sucks

  1. Linz, I’m so sorry to hear of what you and your husband are going through. I just really wanted to let you know that I have family that has been trying to get pregnant for a few years and I’m so pleased to say that they will be welcoming a baby at the end of this year. Keep your chin up. You’re such a positive, wonderful person. I wish you two the absolute best of luck with everything!

  2. Sending you huge hugs! Infertility does suck and I applaud you for writing this post. It’s something that we should be able to be open about. I had 2 miscarriages before having my first son and also frequently got those questions about when we were going to have a baby. It stings. It’s made me much more aware of discussing having kids with couples because you never know what someone is going through. Praying for you and your husband!

  3. Linz,I felt like I was writing this post over 3+ years ago. We struggled with infertility for years and were told that the odds were heavily stacked against us. Every single feeling you mentioned was one that I had felt or experienced. Don’t give up hope. There are lots of options. It can happen even when you’re told there’s no chance. Hugs to you! If you need to chat, feel free to email me. It’s always good to find others who are or have gone through a similar journey.

  4. (((hugs))) I really wish people would *think* before they ask others about such personal issues. Most people know that you should never ask a woman if** she is pregnant, but I guess we still need to learn not to ask a woman **when** she is going to have a baby. I love that yoga picture.

  5. Oh Linz. You are SUCH a strong person. I know people tell you to stay strong and I could imagine how hard it has to be. Just think about the HUGE breakthroughs with infertility. My brother and his wife tried for 2 years and finally saw a specialist. He have her pills and she was pregnant within 2 months.

    • Thanks, Ashley! And you’re right – society has really made MAJOR breakthroughs (I just typed breakfast lol) with infertility and I’m confident I’ll get pregnant soon!

  6. My heart breaks for you. I too suffer from unexplained infertility. My husband and I have been TTC for 9 years. I understand completely how if feels when people say insensitive things. Just relax, go on vacation, you are trying too hard, why don’t you adopt, etc. I’ve heard them all and I try to cut people some slack because they really have no clue how much their questions and “advice” hurt, but it still does hurt and is so frustrating. Chin up girl – it CAN happen. I did conceive finally in February this year and although I lost that baby at 9 weeks, I take a tiny bit of encouragement from the fact that after 9 years of never conceiving, I did in fact finally conceive all on my own. Prayers for you and your husband as you journey on this difficult path and hope that your path will lead you to a family of your own very soon. http://runningwilder.com/2012/10/11/membership-eludes-me/

  7. Big giant hugs to you Lindz! My family is all too familiar with infertility and things taking longer than our dreams want! My sister tried for 2 years…started the process to adopt…and got pregnant. She now has 2 girls 4 months apart! When my husband and I were trying we dealt with some minor infertility too. It is a lonely world…that really truly doesn’t need to be! Women struggle with this and we should be reaching out to each other to help each other along the way!! Talk away about this any time you need to…it will make the celebration all that much sweeter!!!

  8. You are so brave for being open about this. You are going to help so many people, hon <3

    I am so sorry you're going through this. You know I've felt the exact same way, and wish people would learn how to bite their tongues!

    My fingers are crossed for you and I hope you get your little miracle soon!

  9. I’m struggling with infertility too. I think “alone” and “lonely” is exactly how I feel. It is has been the loneliest time of my life. But like you said, we are not alone!

    *hugs*

  10. I’m so sorry to hear of what you and your husband are going through. I just want to give you a big hug right now! Please know that you are in my thoughts. XOXO

  11. Sending lots of love your way! I personally am not at this point in my life, but I have several close friends going through something similar. I know there isn’t much I can do, but I’m thinking of you!

  12. So sorry to hear you’ve been going through this. You’re right–there really aren’t many things people can say that are going to help. But can I try one thing? I’ve had many friends go through it–every last one of them has a child, no matter how they got there. You will join them, too, I’m confident of that.

    Big hug!

  13. I think it is far more common that we realize, especially this day in age. It doesn’t make it any easier though. I am sending you so much love. I’m so happy you were able to find the strength to share your story as I know it could not have been easy. I’m not married and not trying to have kids, but I’ve had my fair share of “lady” problems and know if/when the day comes when I decide to have kids, it’s not going to be an easy thing for me.

    • the best things in life are the hardest to get, right? or something like that… ;) haha thanks for your support, katie! xo

  14. {{{{hugs}}}} for you and a few smacks to all the insensitive people out there that open their mouths and butt their silly heads into places they don’t belong. Thank you for sharing your story and prayers that your journey has a happy ending.

  15. {{{HUGS}}} Know that you are not alone. Even many who have kids still have the scars from the journey to get there. The more people open up about what a difficult road it is, the more support those going down it will find.

    Kudos to you for putting it out there. And sending lots of positive thoughts that you’ll get your wish soon.

  16. Agreed. It sucks. Not gonna lie. While I can’t completely relate to what you are going through, I absolutely feel your pain through your post. I didn’t grow up wanting kids. Neither did my husband. I’m at the other end of the spectrum trying to articulate to people asking, why don’t you want kids? You mean you never want kids? How about now? Thankfully our families understand completely. It’s not for everyone, I can be a mother in other ways. With all of my health issues I don’t even know if it would be possible, sometimes I feel that God has been protecting me all this time.

    You are such a strong woman Lindsay, I know you don’t feel that sometimes, but you are! Just know you have so many people in your corner, cheering you on… sending love, prayers and hugs your way xoxo

    • Definitely a different perspective, but so completely true. Thank you for sharing, Christa! I really appreciate your love and kind words!

  17. Big big hugs I am so so sorry. I know what you mean (on a different issue not pregnancy) when it seems like everyone around you is getting pregnant, or in my case something else happening in their lives, and you feel like you are the only one not getting what you truly want. SO frustrating. Hang in there girl.

  18. OMG hear hear! You’re right IF sucks royally. I won’t get into my sordid saga but know we are here for you. It isn’t’ ‘easy’ for everyone. There is an end to it though. And there’s life after. Big big hugs to you.

  19. Oh Linz, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this — it’s an incredibly difficult experience, and my heart goes out to you.

    I’ve been dealing with similar things lately, and it’s wretched. A week ago today I got a preliminary diagnosis of premature ovarian failure, which has been devastating. It’s impossible not to cry when people ask when you’re having kids when you want them so badly but have no idea if/when it’ll actually happen, it’s impossible not to cry in doctor’s offices, and it’s especially impossible not to cry when it feels like everybody else is pregnant. I’ve had to take a leave of absence from Facebook lately, simply because my newsfeed is awash in pictures of newborn babies, sonograms, and pregnancy announcements. Each one feels like a punch to the gut. I can’t begrudge my pregnant friends their joy, because they’re going to be fabulous parents — I just wish I could join their ranks, and it hurts like hell to know that it might not be possible.

    I’m sending lots of good vibes, happy thoughts, and prayers your way!

  20. Wow this is awesome-I want to give you a big hug right now. Believe and hope will get you through this. It seems so unfair but all you can do is keep trying :)

  21. You are so brave, my friend. I know it’s hard to put all of your feelings out there, but you are going to help so many people. It’s so surprising just how common this is. Almost every friend I have seems to go through something similar, and it breaks my heart how these wonderful women who will make incredible mothers have to struggle to get there. I have no doubt that it will happen for you, and that you will be the most incredible mother, but I can’t even begin to imagine the sadness that fill this time. Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts!! xoxo

  22. I hate that phrase “it will happen when you least expect it”. I know it’s said with good intentions but if it were true so many things would have already happened for me and it just makes me want to scream. Thanks for sharing your story.

    • YES! and you made a really good point about people having good intentions – you’re right, they do, and i should have mentioned that!

  23. My sister and I both have been down this road and you are exactly right…It sucks. There are no other words…It just plain sucks. I am praying for you and I know that it’s all going to work out one way or another and I am so thankful that you wrote this blog post about infertility. There is not enough emphasis placed on it and the emotions that you feel going through it, so way to go!! Thank you :)

  24. Hugs to you!!! Thank you for putting it out there. Dealing with infertility is such a tough thing. So many women need to hear your story and know that they are not alone. If you get a chance and are interested, check out http://www.mamiverse.com. They had a series about women going through this earlier this year which may be helpful.

  25. You got this girl! We don’t talk often, I think we only met in passing at Blend and are insta pals…but I have so much respect for you for coming out and sharing your story! I think we have a tendency to put on a front in our blogs, like our lives are perfect. But *no one* is perfect! Thanks for keeping it real. You WILL have a baby! xoxo

  26. Oh, Linz. I wish there was something I could do to take that pain from you. I will certainly pray. I think you are so wonderful to reach out and share with others to show support and encouragment. Don’t forget to reach out for that support and help for yourself too. Big hugs!

  27. Linz! You inspire people everyday with your blog….take some of the good energy that you give out with every post and welcome it back from your readers. This does suck! Thinking of you and sending you good vibes! Sounds so cliche-but do stay positive! Stay strong!

  28. The best of wishes and hopes for you. It took me and wifey some time to be blessed with the First Lady and it wasn’t a smooth ride once we got pregnant. It definitely is a journey and it makes it all the more sweet once it happens. One thing that worked for us, was an ovulation test (sold at any pharmacy over the counter). It determines your 2 most fertile days. It worked for us and was silly that a Dr. never recommended it. Not all days are created equal. Sending love.

    • thanks, brian! :) i really appreciate it! i know once it does happen it will be all the sweeter because of how much difficulty we’re having! :)

  29. My heart is breaking for you right now. I’m sorry that you are going through this and you’re right, nothing I can say will help.
    I think it’s important that people realize that so often the things they say (innocently) are hurting someone else.

  30. Oh Linz – I am so sorry that you have to go through any of this. While I didn’t struggle with IF with B please know that I am here for you if you need ANYTHING. Even if it is to complain about what people are saying.

    I too am guilty of asking the “when” questions, I try not to ask people I don’t know super well. And you know what, its totally okay to scream at someone sometimes.

    Lots of love and prayers for you and Jonny.

  31. Oh Lindsay, I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles at the moment<3 My heart, prayers, and thoughts go out to you and your family during this time.
    You're such an amazing light and positive energy in this world and I know one day you will be blessed with an amazing child of your own.
    I think it's so great you've opened up and shared your experience with others. I know this will help a lot of people.
    Thinking of you lovexox

  32. You are so right. I feel for you. I have been there. After trying for a year and a half (and not having a cycle for over 2 years), many tests, and fertility appointments I know your pain. And it never gets easier, with social media you are always bombarded with pregnancy announcements etc. I was able to over come my fertility issues by not working out (except yoga and walks) for 3 months, gained close to 10lbs to get my cycle back from there I continued those things and did get pregnant in another 3 months. So never loose hope and always look for other explanations. I was misdiagnosed many times with general hormone problems to PCOS when none of it was the actual problem.

    • thanks for sharing, lindsey! you’re right – social media can be hard on the heart with how many announcements there are every.single.day!

  33. Oh man so many things I could say…I know that having kids is probably not likely for me, but I was able to deal with that. I fully understand the emotional impact of wanting something and simply not having your body cooperate. Sending you love and hopes that whatever is meant to be works out soon!

  34. I want to give you a big hug Linz. I’m so sorry that you’ve been struggling with this but I’m so glad that you opened up. You’re right – it sucks and no one talks about it which makes it all the harder. And even harder when everyone asks those questions. I try to be really mindful about that because you’re right – you never know what someone may be struggling with. Loves of love to you and your hubs.

  35. You are such a strong, inspirational young women and I know that one day you will make a wonderful mother. This mades my heart break as you deserve everything that you wish for. I am hoping that the time will soon be right, and your hope of becoming pregnant will soon happen. I am so sorry to see you sad. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for you to interact with little ones that you wish were your own. I agree that comments others make are often out of line as they can’t see through your skin to know what you are dealing with. Hang in there, it will happen, I just know it. xo

  36. If you’re looking for a friend nearby who understands what you’re going through, you really should contact my sister-in-law’s sister-in-law (haha a mouthful), Suze. She actually writes a blog (http://ourjourneytotheschoolbus.blogspot.com/) and has been dealing with infertility for 3 years now. She is SUCH a sweetheart, I really think you two would get along (for more than just infertility reasons!) so if you shoot her an email, tell her I sent you!

  37. You are a KIND and BRAVE person to share your story and open up. I hope you know that you are not alone, and that you are reinforcing that important message for other women who feel similarly. What a gift. When you do become a mother… that will be one LUCKY and LOVED child.

  38. I struggled for many years as well, I have felt many of these feelings… I can completely empathize. You spend the first half of your life trying not to get pregnant and then the other half trying to get pregnant. It just doesn’t make sense.. so confusing, infuriating and heartbreaking. From the bottom of my heart, I am so very sorry, wish to God I could say something to make you feel beter but the truth is, it fucking sucks. You are strong and courageous for even trying to stay positive. Just keep trying, hang on, time will pass regardless, so just keep trying, one slow step at a time, just hang on. Love you so much, wish I could scoop you up and take you away from your pain and sadness. xoxo

    • exactly! i was just telling someone how we spend so much of our life trying NOT to get pregnant! thanks so much for sharing, lisa. i had no idea and am glad you are blessed with children now :) :)

  39. You are VERY brave for posting this. Props to you! And many hugs for you too! Just by seeing the amount of comments on your post, I can tell you are MUCH loved! This is a HUGE fear of mine as well. Although my husband and I aren’t seriously trying right now, I am recovering from an eating disorder and am scared to death about what conceiving in the future might look like. Like you, the only thing I’ve every wanted to be is a mama. After all, we both went in to education where we can have kids all day long! :-) I am with you and you are by far not alone! Praying for strength and faith for you.

  40. I am giving you a HUGE virtual hug right now because I know how you feel – I cannot have children. While I choose to say that I “hate children” and “never want them” – I have a feeling when I turn 40 or so, I am going to want the best friend relationship that my mother and I have.

  41. My sister and I were discussing this very topic not too long ago. It really is true that we never know what’s going on beneath the surface with those we interact with. You had some great insights about the need for sensitivity when speaking about pregnancy and children.

    You are such a positive light and will be a great mom for your little one when he/she arrives! Keep believing!

  42. thanks girl sharing this as we too feel it’s an important topic! I (Lori) have hormone issues and know that I might have a difficult time getting pregnant but know that I keep my head up and know it will happen :) I have been trying to balance out my hormones to be normal again – it has been a long road!
    thinking of you – hugs!!

  43. You know I have had my hard times. I know how you feel, I felt this too, know there is a light for you and you will have a baby one day, I know it in my heart <3

    Always here for you <3 xoxo

  44. I follow your sister’s work religiously and saw her sweet post about this blog post. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to find someone who is TALKING about infertility! My husband and I too have been struggling for 2 years to get pregnant, as it turns out I haven’t been ovulating. Last month I was put on Clomid to induce ovulation and this is the first month I’ve ovulated. It’s a relief, but we’re still not pregnant.

    I can’t thank you enough for posting this, as I feel like it’s such a hush-hush topic and NO ONE talks about it. I fee like I’m not alone now reading this post, as no one in my family has gone through this, BUT ME! All siblings have multiple kids, BUT ME! I know I’m just a nobody here, but I’m here for you & will be rooting you on all the way from Seattle :)

    • Thanks so much for your sweet comment!! Glad to hear clomid is doing what itz supposed to. This is my third month on it, so itz gotta happen soon right?!?! For both of us! Sending you good vibes, too! xoxo

  45. Linz,
    I was inspired by your story as I have learned with my friends that those are not good questions to ask…just like questions about any of life’s milestones. I have an uncle who is an infertility specialist in Oklahoma City, one of the best actually, and I forwarded your blog post to him because my hope is that he can use your story to help other women in a similar situation. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you the best of everything for this journey. Someday your sister will take beautiful shots of your newborn :).

    • Thanks so much, Rachel. You’re so sweet and I really appreciate your kind words! :) And you better believe Steph will take my newborn shots, maternity, first birthday, and a million in between!! hehe

  46. You are so right and so many people don’t know… I haw had 5 miscarriages… People say u are so strong… No I’m not strong I just make it thru the day that’s all… Thank u for putting it out there… It’s not a shameful thing and would be more widely know if it was more widely accepted… Don’t be afraid to speak out

    • Wow, thanks for sharing and I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way… xoxo

  47. HUGE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My cousin could not have kids nor my brother. My brother & his wife eventually adopted 2 children from China – a hard thing being Jewish & of chinese decent but they are great kids!

    HUGS!!!

  48. Lindsay, I think you are so amazing! Thank you for being so courageous to share something so personal that many people keep hush-hush about. My parents dealt with infertility for several years before having me. They actually gave up and expected that it would never happen, so I was a pleasant surprise.

  49. My heart broke while reading this. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you struggle through this. Sharing this was so amazing and courageous and I know that it will help others who are grappling with similar emotions to feel supported and less alone. Thank you for sharing!

  50. Oh Linz, hugs to you! It must be so hard for you – I just can’t even imagine. I will pray for you. I have several close friends and family members who have dealt with infertility or have it and I know how hard it is for them to hear pregnancy announcements, etc. My bro and SIL have gone through several infertility specialists in the area an are currently seeing a reproductive endocrinologist who has been extremely helpful to them. Let me know if you want the name of who thu are seeing and I will pass it along. Hugs!

    • Thanks, Kristen! I’m gonna stick it out with my current doc for awhile, but I do appreciate your offer. Thanks also for your prayers :) :) keep em coming!

  51. I really do feel for you. I’ve had friends trying before and have had lots of difficulty conceiving and had such trouble but eventually got there but knowing what they went through I never ask people if they are trying or if I know they are trying how it is going unless they bring it up for the exact reason of this post. People don’t always get how a seemingly innocent question can upset people.

    It’s similar to asking people ‘when are you getting married?’ Or ‘why are you single?’ Or some other silly question.

    My thoughts are with you and I really am hopeful that you will be eventually able to conceive and in the meantime know you have all of the blog communities support.

    • you’re right about applying the sensitive to other areas / milestones in life. i do appreciate your support! :)

  52. Goodness I am so sorry you are going through this!! I think we all just assume that when we want kids we will try and succeed. Personally though, the thought of struggling to get pregnant terrifies me and I can’t even imagine what you are going through!!

    Your feelings on when people ask about it or when others announce pregnancies, etc reminds me of how I’ve felt for years about couples being married (and having babies!!). I mean honestly, why ask the girl who’s been dating a guy five years, “So when are you two gonna tie the knot?” Yeah I totally have control over when he pops the question…and you think I’m sticking around to..not marry him??

    • haha you’re funny and you’re totally right about applying sensitive to other milestones in life, too, not just pregnancy!!

  53. So sorry you are going through this girl, but so hopeful for you and your family’s future! As sad as it is now, you are in a great mindset to deal with this by being open in discussion and about your feelings. My thoughts are with you and so are my prayers! :)

  54. Lindsay, I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through lately. I also want to apologize, as I am one of your “nosey Aunts” that probably asked on more than one occasion about having a baby and I am sorry for that. Hope you can forgive me as I was not aware of this struggle you’ve been going through. I love you and will be there for you always. Love Aunt Laura

    • Laura, please know that this post was not intended on making people feel bad. Trust me, I used to ask people ALL THE TIME about it because I just never realized they could be having difficulty. I do appreciate your kind words. :) Love you!

  55. Huge enormous hugs! Been struggling with infertility for almost 10 years. Happily to report that I have a miracle son (almost 4 years old) and we are currently waiting to test to see if our 3rd embryo transfer is successful or not. It’s such a rollercoaster ride. Finding the right support and becoming informed are the two biggest things I would say have kept me (almost) sane through the entire process.

    I wish you the best in your trials and that they are short, inexpensive and very very successful. <3

  56. I couldn’t have said it better myself, Lindsay! Your blog encompasses so much of what I have also been feeling. Thank you for sharing, even though I know it must have been a difficult choice to ‘out’ yourself to the world. I agree the word needs to get out that this is a huge issue for so many couples. Love Amy

  57. Sis, best blog friend, whatever you want to call yourself – I love you so much :) You mean so much to me Linz and I never want you to feel alone. I know that’s a crazy statement to say because this is such a hard thing for you to deal with, but really babe – I am always, always here for you! xo Just a text away ;) And if you need a Meg hug, well… I am sure I can plan a trip to see you at some point ;)

    I can relate to infertility and give you hope…

    My parents tried for 7 years before having me. They were told by doctor after doctor that they would never have a child and to put their names in for adoption. So they did. And then some miracle happened and HERE I AM :D

    So, you will have a baby :) I know it. I played with dolls up until my teenage years and heck I would still play with them today! I want to be a mommy that bad, too, and I know you and I both will :)

    Love you Linz <3

    • Thanks, Meg! You know I love you and appreciate your support. Love hearing success stories like your parents – especially when it brings YOU into this world! :) :)

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  62. Props to you for opening up about this on the internet! I feel like I am seeing more and more posts about this lately, and it definitely worries me. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with the reality that not everyone is fertile Mertile.

    Since I just got married a year ago, people are constantly asking me when I’m going to start a family. I think it’s so weird because I am very young, so I have no interest in doing so anyway, and if I did – what if I had already been trying? Wouldn’t it be weird for me to say, well, I already am trying? People just don’t think about how stupid and self-centered their questions sound. Even though I don’t know if I will ever experience infertility, I think the whole topic of having a baby or “starting a family” is not treated with enough care these days. It’s just expected that married people start having babies.

    I hope your struggles find a silver lining soon and that people are sensitive to your needs right now.

    • You’re exactly right, Melisssa. I, too, used to be guilty of asking those very questions without a thought that people may actually BE trying and without realizing itz such a sensitive topic. I appreciate your understanding and your kind words.

  63. I love this point of not knowing what other people are going through. I think it’s so important to put yourself in other people’s shoes even if you don’t know what in those shoes ;) stay strong – it sounds like you are. And honestly, you have the BEST attitude!!!

  64. You already know this-but many many prayers are being said in your behalf. <3

    And I think you are SO amazing for talking/writing about this–especially because it IS so hard. You really are incredible. Thank you for being such a great friend & a really, really honest person.

    YOU will have a baby <3 I believe it too. Muah. love you.

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  66. I completely, absolutely understand where you’re coming from, Linz. I was in your shoes last year and you’re right – it does seem like every single person around you is pregnant or raising kids when it’s what YOU want to be doing.

    There isn’t much more I can say other than that I’ll be sending LOTS of positive thoughts and prayers your way. It’s not easy to deal with infertility, let alone open up about it. Infertility sucks, you’re so right.

    xoxo

    • Thank you so much, Courtney! I appreciate the positive vibes, especially coming from your beautiful bumpin’ belly! :) :)

  67. I just came over to read this post from Ashley’s blog.
    Infertility does suck! I’ve been dealing with it for two years now and it is definitely a roller-coaster.
    I went for an HSG yesterday along with 8 other girls. The hospital here does 18 a week; guess we’re not alone..
    I always wonder why people say such insensitive things. People I work with and even family and friends say the most inappropriate things and you think that they would catch on that maybe something is wrong..
    Thank you for sharing your story! I have only been brave enough to tell two girlfriends about our personal issues. I haven’t even told any family. It’s not an easy thing to talk about especially if you are taking some hormone medications!
    I wish you all the best in your journey.

    • AMEN about it not being easy to talk about especially with meds. ARGH. What’s HSG? Should I know what this is? haha

  68. There just seems to be a rash of people with a filter these days. I don’t know why it’s anyone’s business but your own if you have kids or not. I have friends that are struggling with infertility and I also have friends who aren’t ever having kids and I want to punch everyone who asks them about it.

    I have been in your shoes and DOES suck. It took us two years to conceive my oldest son and I still remember the heartache (and tears) I felt when I was given that diagnosis. I STILL don’t have any explanation for my infertility, but we did have a happy ending and I wish and hope the same for you. Believe, but allow yourself to cry and be pissed off.

    • thanks for sharing, michelle! positive success stories make me SO HAPPY!!!! and i also appreciate your last sentence… a lot. it makes me feel validated (not that i need it, but it does feel good, so thank you!)

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  70. I’m so, so sorry to hear about this. I have a good friend who went through this and it was so tough seeing her in that pain. She ended up getting pregnant last month (after starting anti-anxiety meds to help her relax, interestingly). I hope the same for you!

    Thank you for reminding everyone to be sensitive about this. I’ve had to remind myself to keep the questions to myself seeeeveral times. We think of it as a casual, conversational topic, but it’s actually a very personal one.

    • You’re absolutely right. That makes me so happy about your friend!! I love hearing successes after people have dealt with infertility. I just want it to be me SOON!!! :) :)

  71. We struggled with infertility for 2.5 years, and my heart hurts for you guys and your pain. We found a great doctor here in STL that was actually able to figure out the problem and has since helped many of our friends. Shoot me an email if you want to chat about it.

    • Thanks so much, Laura! My current doctor has figured out my “problem” so hopefully the magic will happen soon :) :) I appreciate your support and will definitely keep your offer in mind!

  72. I read your blog post the day you posted but just got around to commenting on it. I want you to know, as someone who is over 18 months into our battle with infertility (including recovery from hypothalamic amenorrhea as well as further testing, 4 rounds of Clomid, and still not pregnant…) that your post really struck a cord with me. I absolutely hate to hear when someone else is going through what I know is THE absolute toughest battle in my life but it spreads warmth knowing that those of us who are struggling will get through this together. Thinking of you and never hesitate to reach out to me (ifgravityhappens@gmail.com) as I definitely get it! lots of hugs!

    • Thanks so much, Mallory! I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, as well. You’re totally right – we can get through this together! Itz very comforting knowing that other understand the sadness and hardship I’m feeling right now even though I wish it weren’t the case for any woman!

  73. Hi Linz! What a beautiful post-so open and honest. My husband and I tried for a year and on our 4 year wedding anniversary, we found out we were pregnant. I miscarried that baby just a few short weeks after and just completely lost it. Miraculously, we were blessed 3 months later with a healthy, viable pregnancy and are now just a few weeks from welcoming our baby boy into this world. I understand your pain, your fear, your struggle, your anger, and your hope. The greatest of all is the HOPE! You are a beautiful person, inside and out. One of the books that I read while we were trying was “Instant Mom” by Nia Vardalos (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding Star). She writes of her own infertility struggle and her adoption-it is a book filled with laughter and tears and I found such peace in it. Prayers headed your way!

    • Thanks so much, Amanda! While I’m deeply sorry and saddened by your struggle and loss, I’m thrilled to hear you’re so close to your new bundle of joy. Thanks also for the book recommendation – I haven’t read any books on the topic, so I may have to pick up a copy! xoxo

  74. I don’t really know what to say other than, praying for you <3. Like Melissa said above, I have been seeing lots of posts like this in the blog world lately (which is great, for bringing up the conversation), but it makes me nervous. I've been married for a year, but I'm 24 and not quite ready for kids yet. One of my neighbor's struggled with infertility for years after having her first (but ended up with twins in the end :)) and told me not too wait too long to start trying. I definitely see where she's coming from, but I don't know if I should start trying just because I'm scared that it might take a while. I guess we never know what could happen, and just have to believe in a plan that's greater than our own!

    • Thanks for your kind words, Emily. That is a hard dilemma to be in. I suppose I’d say wait until you’re ready. No one knows if they will struggle or not so you may (and hopefully will!) get pregnant super fast! Plus, there are so many options now and many great doctors and I’m confident I’ll be pregnant soon. Wait til you’re ready.. that’s what they all say anyway! hehe xoxo

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  77. wow, after reading this I am in tears. I feel the EXACT same way. We have been trying for 3 years now… my body seriously does not feel like I have any control over it anymore with all the meds and tests and stuff. I know we are not alone, but at the same time it is the loneliest feeling. I see from recent blogs yall have been successful. can NOT wait to read all about it!

    • my heart goes out to you, meg! please feel free to reach out at any point as i know exactly how you feel! don’t give up hope – it WILL happen! xoxo

  78. THank you so much for your open honesty. I stumbled across your blog today while trying to find some information about IUI, my husband and I have been struggling with infertility for a year and a half now. It is so encouraging to know we aren’t alone in our struggle, and that you have now become pregnant!:)

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